I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
