Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
