Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
