Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
This house was built for laser tag.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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