Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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