please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize