A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
