five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
