I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
