Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
