ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
