break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
