There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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