Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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