Jerry, you need to find god
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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