if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize