he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
