Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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