So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
