umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
