I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
