I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
