ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
