I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
