So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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