Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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