if i can run in heels then i can drive
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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