Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
