so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
