Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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