A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
