His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
