i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize