Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
