I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
