i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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