If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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