I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I want her autograph on my taint
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
