If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
