i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
there's paper in my vomit.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
love makes seman taste better
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize