I wanna bring you to show and tell
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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