How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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