The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
