Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
