When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
