Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
