Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
