it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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