If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
