Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
