i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
