Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I don't think brook has ever known best
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
