i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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