Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Randomize
