so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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