I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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