She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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