yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
