What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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