none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
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