I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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