it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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