I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize