I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
