I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
