u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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