not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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