At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
